I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
