Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
