I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I need a burrito and a hug.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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