I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
