your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
