I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
