there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
