But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
