There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I love you. Go after that dick
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
