So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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