Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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