Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sorry about my life...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
