So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
