It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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