I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you traded sex for a burrito?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
