I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
