I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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