How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
