I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
