The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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