I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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