Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
