I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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