You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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