the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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