The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
