And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
