when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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