Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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