i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
