would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
