I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
