Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
