I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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