he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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