dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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