Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
