My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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