thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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