I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
