I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
