just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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