i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
