I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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