never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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