she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
