I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
