Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
