hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
