my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
