they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
