I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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