Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
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I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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