I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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