Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize