you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize