If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
