I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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