So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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