i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
