Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
