someone threw a dead crab at me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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