We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
