what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
