Come see our sink grown plant.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
