You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
