Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body

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(627): View more from California

his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.

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(210): View more from Texas

By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE

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(203): View more from Connecticut

The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...

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(954): View more from Florida

Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet

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(760): View more from California

Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Come on in and take your pants off

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