there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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