Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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