Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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