He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
