They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
