I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
