My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
