I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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